just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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