is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
