In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
