you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
