I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize