I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
