My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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