I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
