you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
