what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
