Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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