It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize