Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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