No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Your dad touched me again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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