sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry about my life...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
