I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
