do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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