She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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