help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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