Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
