JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
