the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
