1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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