So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize