I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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