I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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