i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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