Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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