We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
