Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
