the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You took a bar mat shot.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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