He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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