you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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