Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
