Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
