Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
