I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
nutella sex= disaster
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
