i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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