We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
