...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
