i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
