I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
