Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
