A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
