Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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