Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
