We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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