whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
