I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
