she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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