dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
