You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
