When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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