so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
