You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize