There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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