So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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