She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i need some magic done to my vagina
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
