R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
