What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
