no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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