Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It all started with a game of naked twister.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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