Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
