That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We have started to decorate penises.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
