i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
