I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
