Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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