what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
