Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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