i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
